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Free Offer For Catholicotherapy!

Vasiliy Polenov. Raising of Jairus' Daughter.
"Damsel, I say unto thee: Arise!" [Mc 5:41]
(Vasiliy Polenov. Raising of Jairus' Daughter. [Source])

1) Symptoms

Do you feel like the Pope has fallen off his rocker?

Are your own children baptized, for reasons unknown to you?

Are you proud to be shacked up, and ashamed to admit you have no idea what marriage is?

Do you have problems telling the difference between a Rosary and a lemon-squeezer?

2) Limited-time offer

For a limited-time only (as long as I can pay my bills, and sleep long enough to be able to work the next day), you can have some free Catholicotherapy sessions!

3) Supernatural  welcome

You will be welcomed like no other, since:

3.1) Jesus came into the world to save, not to condemn [Jn 12:47].

3.2) Your guardian angel sees God's face continuously [Mt 18:10].

3.3) As far as Judgment Day is concerned, taking care of you is like taking care of God [Mt 25:40].

And as an added bonus, I promise not to offer you any of my food!

4) High technology and solid credentials

Your case will first be individually diagnosed using advanced technology. Afterward, a comprehensive treatment plan will be established, based on proven theories and the latest research in the field.

The impressive credentials of this web site have been formally approved by the Authorities of the Diocese of Quebec.

5) Testimonials from satisfied customers

All these testimonials are absolutely true:

Paul Swami, Sillery, Canada:

"Lord Have Mercy! You should use mouthwash or something!"

Bertrand S., Sainte-Foy, Canada:

"What? You poured all my beer bottles down the drain? ARGH! #$%?/$!"

Gaétan Corneau, Sainte-Foy, Canada:

"Jeepers, you're annoying!"

Nicole Dansereau, Sillery, Canada:

"It's OK Stefan, we accept you. We love you."

Some Jehovah's Witnesses, after walking into my condo and noticing two other Jehovah's Witnesses who were already trapped inside:

"You're here too?"

Anima, Quebec City, Canada:

"But you're completely nuts!"

6) Seriously...

Seriously, I unfortunately forget, on a regular basis, that most men just try to do what seems good.

Most people are simply not aware of what the Catholic Church actually teaches. Not only is there much ignorance, but anti-Catholicism is quite prevalent in the media (newspapers, movies, talk shows, etc.). The world is filled with people who have negative feelings about the Catholic Church, but who don't even realize where those feelings really come from.

Honestly, we are all in this together. You and I must work together to face the huge challenges of global warming, deforestation, poverty in the Third-World, the ever-present threat of nuclear annihilation, and so on. Let's not forget what unites us!

Even if we assume religion is not something which unites us, does that mean we should "get a divorce", and split up into two (or more) churches? I'm not a marriage counsellor, but I feel like saying we should at least talk it over before! You're welcome to my place anytime. I can be a bit annoying during discussions (as you've probably figured out by now!), but I honestly am trying to learn to be more charitable and less proud.

Maybe you can help me. I'm sure Jesus would appreciate that!

Hope to see you soon!

Stefan Jetchick
(for my coordinates, please see the "Contact" page)

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